


Five Minutes

by mansikka



Series: Too Far [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Dean Misses Castiel, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2016-02-04
Packaged: 2018-05-18 05:11:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5899492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mansikka/pseuds/mansikka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam liked to think of himself as astute, but it wasn't astuteness that he needed to know what the problem was. There had been no label on what Dean and Cas were, or had been becoming over the years. Labels weren't needed when actions said all they needed to. There was respect there, deep affection, trust despite the odds. And something more.</p><p>Sam had seen people come and go from Dean's life over the years, and not one, not even Lisa had ever made Dean come apart and pull together the way Cas did. There was something in the way they moved around each other that meant belonging, and home. Safety. Whispering even to himself in case Dean somehow had developed the ability to read his mind, Sam thought, love. Love was there too. Not that Dean would ever allow himself such a thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Minutes

Weeks went by, continuing on the same trajectory. Dean's laughter became more empty and smiles more false. Sam wondered if he could now empathise with what Dean had been through when he himself was without a soul. His brother was a shell.

Sam liked to think of himself as astute, but it wasn't astuteness that he needed to know what the problem was. There had been no label on what Dean and Cas were, or had been becoming over the years. Labels weren't needed when actions said all they needed to. There was respect there, deep affection, trust despite the odds. And something more.

Sam had seen people come and go from Dean's life over the years, and not one, not even Lisa had ever made Dean come apart and pull together the way Cas did. There was something in the way they moved around each other that meant belonging, and home. Safety. Whispering even to himself in case Dean somehow had developed the ability to read his mind, Sam thought, _love_. Love was there too. Not that Dean would ever allow himself such a thing.

Cas wasn't without fault. He had been the root of so many of the problems in this world, but then so had they. All with the best of intentions of saving people or doing 'the right thing'. The only person who could out-guilt Dean and Sam was Cas, and for that, Sam had begun to think of Cas as family. There weren't that many people out there as messed up as them, after all.

Sam also knew without ever needing to voice it out loud how much his brother meant to Cas. And as he watched his brother slowly pick himself apart, he knew he would take advantage of that.

Sam's prayer to Cas was short and to the point. As if he ever needed the point proving, he had barely finished the thought _Dean needs help_ before he heard the flapping of wings behind him.

Sam smiled, sagging a little in relief. “Hey, Cas.”

“Sam.” Cas stood expectantly, alert for trouble, and then instantly took on the demeanour of a man that had been duped. “You said Dean was in trouble. I sense no-”

“How are you, Cas?”

Cas started for a moment, and Sam ached at the confusion that flickered in Cas' eyes. They rarely greeted him without a need for something, and that look just showed how much they'd come to treat Cas as little more than a tool. That, he scolded himself, is not how you treated anyone, least of all family. He shuffled in guilt; _one fix at a time, Sam_.

“I am well. How can I help?”

“Dean's... not himself.”

“Shapeshifter? Spell?” Cas asked with mistrust in his voice and a raised eyebrow.

“No, no. Nothing like that. Listen, Cas? Last time we saw you. Did you guys have a fight?”

Cas pinched his lips together and said nothing.

“Cas, c'mon. Dean might be an ass half the time-”

“Only half?” the hurt in his voice was like a wave of sadness that rippled through Sam. Cas was this all powerful angel, full of righteous fury and the ability to smite you out of existence. Yet somehow, his stupid, human brother had opened up this chasm full of emotions in him and here was the aftermath. Cas was hurting too.

“Look. We both know Dean speaks first and thinks later, right? I don't know what was said, or done, and it's none of my business. But-”

“But what, Sam? Have I expended my usefulness to you too?”

“What? No! I-”

“We are at war, Sam. I cannot continue to return here just because-”

“Because you care about him?”

“Me caring about Dean is not what Dean wants.” There was sternness in his tone then, but it was nowhere strong enough to mask the hurt that resided there beneath the surface.

“Dean doesn't know what he wants,” Sam countered, regretting the words as he saw Cas' eyeroll. “Okay. Maybe he knows what he wants. He doesn't know he can have it is all,” his voice took on a hopeful tone and his eyes sought out Cas', forcing him to look.

Cas licked his lips, letting his gaze fall. “I cannot assist. I don't know what to do about Dean's self-loathing. About his anger. About his-”

“Feelings for you?”

Something like fear flashed in Cas' expression then, followed rapidly by denial. “Dean-”

“Feelings...something. For you. And you feel something for him. It's obvious for the entire world to see. And any and all arguments about... I don't know. Wars in heaven and hunting lifestyles. Any of it. Is pretty much invalidated by the way you two are hurting each other – and yourselves right now. I haven't seen you for weeks, Cas. Weeks. You don't...look yourself.”

Cas could not argue with that when his whole demeanour screamed 'defeated'.  

They stood in awkward silence for a while before Cas cleared his throat and muttered, “I miss him.”

Sam's smile could not have been any wider. “And he misses you, Cas. You don't know how much. I haven't seen him like this. Ever. He needs you. And you know what? I need you too, you're family. I miss having you around. Even more so when my brother's so damn miserable.”

Uncertainty left Cas silent.

“Just... come and say hi, okay?”

“He'll turn me away. Shout. Get angry-”

“And you'll know his words are empty and what he's really trying to say.” Sam's argument was sound, in theory.

Cas shuffled his feet, every picture of a man with warring emotions. “We are at war, Sam. I really cannot say if, or when, I can return here. I don't know if it's wise, for any of us, to give false promises of return.”

“I get that. Dean gets that too. But if you could just... pop in. Say hi. Five minutes, every once in while, until things calm down?” Eagerness flew from Sam's tongue, and Cas idly wondered at how many times that manipulative tone had led Dean doing whatever was in his power to make Sam happy.

“War is not something I can 'pop in' from on a regular basis, Sam. Please try to understand. Perhaps I should wait until there is some certainty-”

“And what happens in the meantime? What if something happens to you? Or him? What then?” Now there was demand in his words and his posture screamed annoyance.

“Please.” One simple word, one nod towards the motel room where they were staying. “Just... five minutes, Cas. Please?”

  
  



End file.
